Siha and Shepard
by Musicalrain
Summary: My Shep , Hera's, love triange with Kaidan and Thane with focus on Thane. ME1 through ME3. M rated version for language and suggestive content. I have no rights to Mass Effect, I just have fun with it. Please Review!
1. Chapter 1: Hurting

**Siha and Shepard**

_Note: I do not own rights to any of this._

_This collection of short chapters is for my Shepard, Hera, an explanation of her love story – which involves Kaidan, and a drell named Thane. It covers all three games. Rated M for language and suggestive content. Also, a lot of the beginning chapters have a lot of in-game lines. I've tried to make them my own, so to speak. In later chapters, there's more original scenes created by myself. It also focuses more on the Thane romance aspect. Enjoy!_

_Additional Note: This is the M rated version of this story. I had originally planned 14 chapters, but since things aren't to be MA on this site, I've had to cut out three chapters. One was mostly the romance scene before the Relay in ME2, the other right before Shepard turns herself in to the Alliance, and the last was the chapter with Thane's death scene. So, as a result the story jumps suddenly from ME2 to ME3, and jumps slightly forward in ME3 events. I might publish the MA version elsewhere, but it probably won't be for some time. I still wanted to post this story on this site, since I've been working on it for so long. Well, enough rambling – enjoy the read!_

_This chapter is very short, mostly background info. Takes place in ME1._

Chapter 1: Hurting

She stood there in her now empty cabin. Closing her eyes, slowly remembering Kaidan's face as she turned him down. _Hurt._

"Fuck!" She exclaimed. Why did she turn him away? Was she afraid? _Afraid __of __what?_

She was Commander Hera Shepard. A fearless soldier, a passionate renegade, the most decorated engineer in the Alliance. Why was _she_ afraid?

_Hera._ She thought, why did her mother give her that burden – that name? Was it some connection to hers, Hannah? _No_, too dissimilar. Being named after the goddess of monogamy didn't mean that she, Hera Shepard, found love easily. Perhaps that was her mother's wish – love.

She sighed, now sitting on her empty bed. Her thoughts returned to Kaidan. She _liked_ him, but couldn't confess the feelings that he obviously had.

Her mind turned to her memory, one where he was speaking to her about her appearance. It was a short time after he rather blurted out that he was attracted to her. She chuckled softly at the memory. She had a good memory, could remember it as if it was happening just again.

They were sitting in the mess, late at night. Everyone off to bed, but they just kept on talking.

"_So, Kaidan, you kinda slipped-up."_

"_Uh, where? Now?"_

"_No, back on the Citadel. When we were enjoying the sights... What exactly about me would others 'like'"?_

_He blinked at the blunt question, gathering his thoughts._

"_Well, uh, your hair for one ma'am." _

"_Really?" She snickered, knowing she was making him uncomfortable. Enjoying it._

"_Yeah, of course. It's, uh, short and dark. But, uh, but not black. A warm color. That carries into your eyes." He sighed, looking at what he was describing with now softer eyes, and softer expression._

"_They contrast nicely with your skin. Pale and freckled... It makes you beautiful." He abruptly got up. And stammered, "I've got to go, Commander. Good night ma'am."_

He had stunned her then. She didn't expect that. _Right, __and __he __probably __didn't __expect __this __tonight __either._

She curled up in her empty bed, forcing herself to clear her mind. She had to regain her composure, she had to be fearless.


	2. Chapter 2: Whiskey and the Devil

Chapter 2: Whiskey and the Devil _[Note: ME2!]_

Killing the last of the Collector beasts that had invaded Horizon, Commander Shepard looked around her. Her companions joined her and reloaded.

The newest, Grunt, a krogan of considerable skill, seemed to be ravishing in the aftermath of the battle. She chuckled softly looking at him, he was excitedly pacing while reloading his shotgun.

Garrus, one of her best friends, looked at her and asked, "What the hell was that thing?" He was referring to the flying Collector monstrosity, that had shot beams of energy at them. It had been bitch to kill.

"No idea, remind me to ask Mordin." And with that he nodded.

The civilian from before came charging at her then. Cursing the Alliance, laying blame on them. She offered him a few kind words, which didn't help calm the man. She had changed since being rebuilt by Cerberus. Loosing two years of her life, she had become softer in the aftermath.

Then she saw Kaidan and froze. She knew via the Illusive Man, that he would likely be there. But she didn't prepare herself.

He spoke, but she didn't consciously register a thing he said. She just looked at him. He had changed, he looked older – but no less handsome. His expressions were different. _Hardened. __No __thanks __to __me._

She said a few things, but forgot them instantly, which was unusual. She was in a trance. Garrus broke her out of it when he said, "Dammit, Kaidan. You're so focused on Cerberus that you're ignoring the real threat."

She grew angry then, mostly frustration brewing - struggling to break free. She had been calmer and more thoughtful until that point. She fought to maintain her composure, until he left.

Once aboard the Normandy, she saw her crew gaping, shocked by her frazzled appearance. She hadn't been this pissed-off in a long, long time.

Shortly after a tense talk with the Illusive Man, she found herself going down to engineering, which was usually her safe-haven. A place for her to loose herself in calibrations.

She was still wearing her armor, when she all but yelled at Ken and Gabby, asking if there was anything that needed to be done. Gabby cautiously replied with a soft, "No, ma'am."

She turned, and stormed off. _I __need __a __drink. _She practically barreled into Jack, who had a fresh bottle of whiskey in her hand. _Perfect._ She grabbed the whiskey and chugged it. The biotic growing more, and more furious with each large gulp.

"Hey, bitch, that's mine!"

Shepard couldn't contain herself anymore, she yelled at Jack. Yelled every obscene thing she could think of. When she was done, the biotic had a devilish grin on her face.

"Damn Shepard. Who tried to set you on fire this time?"

She didn't expect to find a companion in Jack, a friend when she needed one most. The two women went down into Jack's cubby, cursing men and drinking. Her thoughts about Kaidan would have to wait.


	3. Chapter 3: Prayers with Blush

Chapter 3: Prayers with Blush

Some time later, she was on Illium an asari-built hub of life. She was with Jack and Kasumi, just after recruiting the Justicar Samara, and getting her set on the ship. She had them with her to balance her strengths and weaknesses. She was long-range, Jack short, and Kasumi could sneak behind – not that she didn't care for their company. Rather, she had come to care for both women. Being on a mostly male ship, they had grown close. She didn't count Miranda, she was such a bitch - she hated Shepard for always sticking up for Jack, even-though she had helped rescue her kid sister. Shepard rolled her eyes. _Time __to __focus, __I __need __to __find __Seryna._

The meeting with the asari, Seryna, was simple enough, pretty much a briefing on the situation. That evening she had joined up with her, on her way to the Dantius towers. She didn't know what to make of the assassin, Thane Krios, at the time. She knew little about him, other than what was on the Illusive Man's dossier.

The fight up the towers was being such a pain. And all those innocents being killed, it made Shepard sick.

"Fuck! Nassana has it coming, if Krios doesn't rip her head off, I will!" The biotic exclaimed. Claiming the kill like it was a child's game.

Shepard laughed, "We're not here to kill her, but if she's in danger, I won't protect her... But, if I see one more dead worker, I might let you."

"I think we all can agree, that Nassana deserves a bullet between the eyes." Kasumi said with her normal cheerful tone.

They were nearing the end, on the extremely windy bridge. Struggling to finish off the remaining mercs, just wanting to get the hell out of there.

Finally they were there. Standing before Nassana. Shepard had just replied to her accusations, "I wouldn't waste time hunting you down Nassana." They labored on a few more sentences, Shepard wasn't taking any bribes.

"You've brought this on yourself. I wouldn't stop it even if I could."

"What do you mean? Of course you can stop it, just don't..."

Shepard hear movements in the ducts, knew it was the assassin. She smirked as one of the mercs said that she too heard something. She watched the scene unfold.

The drell assassin jumped down from the ducts, swiftly finishing off the remaining mercs. Shot Nassana at point-blank range. It was an elegant dance, a dance of death. Shepard was mesmerized by his fluid movements. Thane effortlessly killed his targets. Then he began to pray.

She spoke to him, cautiously at first, not wanting to offend.

"I was curious to see how far you'd go to find me. Well, here I am."

She spoke to him, told him about the Collectors. She couldn't ignore the eerie darkness around him. The way he spoke, the way he stood – it demanded attention. She found herself oddly attracted to him. Felt her heart reach out to him as he said he was dying. She didn't pity him, she understood death all too well, he didn't need pity.

"The universe is a dark place, I'm trying to make it brighter before I die." _Noble. __Brave. _She was glad he agreed to join her.

Once aboard, and after swiftly dealing with Jacob's issues with assassins. Shepard walked up to the Yeoman, Kelly, and they chatted as they normally did after every mission. She liked to chat with Kelly, but found herself sometimes annoyed by her questions.

"A lot of women like bad boys."

"A lot of women, like you?" There is was, Shepard didn't know how to respond. How much to admit.

She settled on being as ambiguous as she could be right then. "I live a dangerous life, dangerous men fit right in."

After her chat with Kelly, Shepard was cornered by Kasumi on her way to chat with Samara. She liked to talk to people. But only not about herself.

"Hey Shepard... I saw the way you looked at Thane Krios in the tower. Watching him wide-eyed, with a slight blush on your cheeks. Someone has a crush doesn't she?" She didn't even realize she was blushing at the time, not then and not now. Apparently the color on her cheeks was the only answer Kasumi needed, since she quickly said, "Ha! Your secret is safe with me." And quickly trotted off towards her own quarters down the hall.


	4. Chapter 4: Like a Schoolgirl

Chapter 4: Like a School-girl

Her conversation with Samara did not distract her enough. She decided to go down the hall to talk to the drell assassin. _What's __the __harm?_ She walked with as little emotion on her face as she could control, full well knowing Kasumi was watching her descent, while sitting on her couch with her door wide open. _Kasumi __is __enjoying __this __too __much._

She regained full control by the time she made it to his quarters. She wanted to find out why he was dying, and if she could do anything about it. That was the first of their many conversations. Most of them concerning his work and the hanar.

Then he spoke about solipsism. She had thought about his telling of a memory the night before. She was fascinated. Then he explained - in great detail. A slight blush rose on her cheeks again as he asked, "Wouldn't you rather loose yourself in such a memory, than spend the night alone staring at walls and metal and plastic?" She thought to herself, _yes __I __would_. Imagining herself touching him... _What __the __hell? __I'm __not __a __blushing __adolescent. _She then turned the conversation towards something more neutral.

Finally she asked, "The last time we talked you remembered one of your assassinations, something about sunset colored eyes?" She could see the light coming across his face, as he spoke of that memory. It left her curious, but she didn't want to pry too much.

As she got up to leave, he opened up a little to her saying that she was the first friend he had met in ten years. She decided to be a little more flirtatious, it wasn't often that she felt this drawn to another, the last was Kaidan, but she tried to forget the chaos surrounding that topic.

"Friend, huh? That's a start."

"A start? That's... intriguing. I will always be here to talk." And with that she left, feeling satisfied about their conversation that day.

But that wasn't their last conversation that day. She couldn't sleep. Plagued by nightmares, always the same ones. She got up, looked at her alarm clock. 0300 in the Normandy's night cycle. _Awesome._ She was only in black sweatpants and a tank top, no shoes, but didn't care. She needed to walk. She decided to go to the mess, and rummage through the fridge, maybe find something to snack on.

She was in midst of digging through the fridge, when she heard a familiar voice coming from one of the tables nearby.

"Cannot sleep, Commander?"

She jumped a little on the inside, shocked, but it didn't show. She grabbed a bottle of water and a small container of grapes, or what she thought were grapes. _Can't __be __certain __with __all __the __lab-grown __food..._ She sat across from Thane, as she started to focus.

"Thane, didn't expect to find you here. Can't sleep either?"

"Mmm, no. Drell sleep cycles vary from humans'... I've come to the realization that during our talks, you've never really spoken about yourself."

"I like to listen."

He paused, as if waiting for her to continue. She did after a little drawn breath.

"Well, what would you like to know?"

"How about your given name?"

"Hera Shepard."

He seemed a little surprised, but oddly pleased with that knowledge. He then shared what knowledge he had on human mythology. She liked watching him as he spoke about the gods and goddesses of ancient Earth, and compared them to his own. She then told him about her mother, and her affinity for such tales too.

Their conversation started reminding her of the one with Kaidan, which, admittedly, still gnawed at her mind from time-to-time. She heard his voice, "_It __makes __you __beautiful.__"_ She then, awkwardly, thanked Thane for his company and swiftly went off to bed. _I __have __to __let __go._


	5. Chapter 5: His Son, Her World

Chapter 5: His Son, Her World

A short, hectic week passed before Shepard went to Life Support to speak to Thane again. And this time, she was worried. Kelly Chambers relayed the message. _Crap. __Something __must __be __wrong __if __he'd __involve __Kelly._ Truth was, Shepard could tell he didn't like Kelly, although he would never say anything to indicate that. Kelly kinda took a liking to him, and just about every other single person on the ship. He didn't come out of his room much, but when he did – Shepard could tell he was being vigilant to not run into Kelly.

After an excruciatingly long elevator ride, she came upon the door to Thane's room. As she entered his back was to her, he was sitting in his normal spot. She could see his muscles were tense, and his head slouched a little. When she came up to him, he seemed reluctant to talk. She tentatively asked if he had wanted to speak to her.

"Yes. Now that you are here, though – it seems more difficult to talk about."

"I've got time. Take it at your own pace."

He then walked over to the weaponry, and she followed standing by his side. She was hoping that her presence would lessen the worry that was written on his face.

"I had a family, once. I still have a son. His name is Kolyat. I haven't seen him for a very long time." She wasn't entirely expecting that. He was older than her, she knew, but did not know this about him. _Explains __why __he's __so __sensitive __and __caring__ – __a __natural __nurturer._

"Did something happen to them?" He than explained how he was "always on business," and that the last time he spoke to his son was ten years ago – they "danced crazy" when he was young. He slipped into solipsism as he explained.

"If we're talking about this, he must have contacted you."

Kolyat had become disconnected – "He does what his body wills." Thane explained that he had taken a job as a hit-man on the Citadel, this obviously troubled him.

"...Why do you need my help for this?"

"I don't need your help, I want it..." He then slipped into the memory of his late wife's funeral. Shepard instantly regretted questioning his motives. Of course he wanted her help, they were beginning to become good friends.

"I didn't mean to make you relieve that."

"Perfect memory. It is sometimes a burden."

"I'll get us to the Citadel as soon as possible."

"Thank you Shepard. I'll be meditating until you need me."

She then promptly went to the CIC, and punched in the coordinates for the Citadel. They weren't far out from the Citadel. Other things could wait.

_I __need __to __think__ this __over._ She headed up to her cabin. She needed to prepare, but she also needed to think about Thane's words carefully. _"__I __don't __need __your __help, __I __want __it.__" _She was a near complete stranger to him, why did he trust her so much – enough to trust her with the knowledge of his son? Family in their line of work could be a liability, yet he seemed to need her to help put his mind at ease, to help him put more good into the universe before he dies. _He __trusts __me __enough __to __involve __me __in __his __personal __life, __he __trusts __me __with __the __well-being __of __his __son._ Shepard could tell that this was going to push their relationship far and fast.

Joker went on comm, "Twenty minutes out, Commander." _That __went __by __fast. _She changed into her armor, and went to meet Thane at the airlock.

Going along with EDI's suggestion, they headed out to Captain Bailey. Before she knew it, she was on a crazy goose-chase to find Kolyat, tracking his target and hoping to reach him before Kolyat could make a tragic mistake.

Finally she spotted him.

Shepard and Thane raced after Kolyat, and at last he stood before them with a gun drawn on the poor politician. They tried to talk him down, the boy wasn't listening to reason. Too many emotions were going through him – shock, pain, disbelief; not to mention the adrenaline rush. He couldn't think clearly. Shepard took an opportunity to distract him. She shot a lamp, punched Kolyat, and took his pistol. She was a no-nonsense type of person, Thane could see that clearly. He was thankful for her help, even if it was a bit unorthodox. When the situation was under control, Captain Bailey allowed the two some private time to talk. Bailey and Shepard discussed Kolyat's punishment.

"How about community service?"

She pulled out all the charm she could muster, and good logic too. _If __I __were __a __guy, __this __may __not __be __this __easy._ She knew Thane would appreciate it irregardless of how she got the results – _although, __he __might __care __a __little._

In a blink of an eye, they were back on the Normandy. Shepard went down to the main battery, and promised to stop-by and chat with Thane later, she still had things to do on the Citadel.

_~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~._

_Note: My Shep's personality is in large part renegade. Although, I try to show that she's slowly becoming more of a paragon hero. She's more paragon than renegade by ME3, although in ME1 she was totally renegade._


	6. Chapter 6: Confessions and Tali

Chapter 6: Confessions and Tali _[Note:__This __chapter __is __a __little __longer. __It __shows __Shepard's __interactions __with __other __crew __members, __at __least __this __is __how __I __would __have __liked __to __see __them __interact.]_

What just happened with Garrus was driving Shepard crazy. _I __need __to __cut-loose._ Then her conscious got the better of her, _Damn__ – __I __need __to __talk __to __Garrus, __make __sure __he's __okay__, __than __I __can __drink._

Her conversation with Garrus didn't put her mind at ease, she honestly wasn't completely certain if letting Garrus shoot Sidonis was for the best. Two years ago, before she died, she wouldn't have hesitated to put down a team-mate that threatened her or the rest of her crew – which is why she shot Wrex. Now, she wasn't so sure. _Ugh, __I __can't __second-guess __myself. __No __good __can __come __from __it._

She decided to go down to engineering and said to Tali, Gabby, and Ken, "Hey, who wants a drink on me? Just don't tell the rest of the crew that I'm spoiling engineering, they'll think I'm biased." She winked. _Their __shifts __are __nearing __an __end __anyways..._

"Well aren't you, you are an engineer and all?" Replied Ken, obviously amused by her clear favoritism.

"Hell, we're drinking? Count me in. I'll get the booze." Jack said from behind her. She didn't even know she was there.

"Make sure you grab some turian brandy for Tali, and a filter straw."

Gabby and Ken seemed a little hesitant to join the women down in Jack's cubby – but they soon got over it, or rather too drunk to care. Shepard was clearly amused by a drunk Tali.

"I've never seen you like this, Tali. You can't even hold your head up." Tali had just rejoined her crew a few days ago, and the women have been friends for a long time. They were very close, Tali was like a sister to Shepard.

"Yeah, well... I haven't seen you all googly eyed before. I mean... Kaidan, I think it was all about sexual tension, right? That drell... Keelah he's cute, but not my type. Clearly yours... I just spoke to him about you today, while you were out with Grunt and..." she sighed, "Garrus..."

Trying to deflect, Shepard replied, "Seems like you are all 'googly eyed' for Garrus... Or, wait I can't tell... Fuck, you know what I mean."

She laughed, "I maayy have a tiny crush... Don't say anything you guys! I have a shotgun, I will shoot the first boshtet that says anything!"

Jack chimed in, "I've fucked a turian before. They're hard, if you know what I mean..." Gabby and Ken couldn't contain themselves, they were laughing and spilling their drinks in the process.

Gabby gained control over herself first, and tried to redirect the conversation, "Wait a minute. The Commander is into Thane?"

"Yeah. Keelah, it's written all over her, and him." She turned towards Shepard, "He's very thankful to you for helping out with his son. I think you should talk to him tomorrow, open up a little."

"I will, Tali."

"Yeah, and let him show you how 'thankful' he is." Jack said with a grin on her face.

Shepard rolled her eyes, "Now Tali, you said something about your drone being named 'Chiktikka'? My drone doesn't have a name..."

…...

The next morning, while nursing a slight hang-over, Shepard decided to take Tali's advice and talk to Thane. She was trying to keep a clear mind as he spoke, her mind latched onto him saying, "_It __is __difficult, __all __things __worth __keeping __are.__"_ She got control of herself as he spoke about his late wife, Irikah.

"I thought she was the goddess Arashu. She met my eyes through the scope, and my purpose faltered."

Shepard learned that Irikah opened Thane up to the world outside of his work, loved him – only to have a Batarian slaver ring murder her. _They __were __too __afraid __to __take __Thane __head-on, __so __they __murdered __innocents. __I __don't __blame __him __for __letting __them __'linger'._

"I haven't spoken about my wife in – I don't think I ever have. I didn't have anyone left to tell it to."

Shepard decided to be a little more upfront with Thane, with her feelings. "_It __is __difficult, __all __things __worth __keeping __are.__" _Love is difficult, and worth keeping – why not give him the chance that she never gave Kaidan?

"...I'm here for you, Thane. Whatever you need."

He seemed pleased with her boldness, smirking as he called her "siha."

"I think my translator just glitched. What did you call me?"

"'Siha.' Someday I'll tell you what it means." He was being forward too, _at __least __I __think __he __is._

Shepard left, slinking away, trying to hide the blush on her cheeks. She headed down towards engineering, to tell Tali how helpful her advice had been. Only Tali was upset – she told Shepard about her upcoming trail, and Shepard vowed to help her dear friend.

Shepard didn't see Thane at all for the next two days. It took most of the time just to reach the Migrant Fleet, minus the trial and geth – she had brought Garrus along for Tali's trial – hoping he would be a comfort to Tali. It was late at night before they made it back to the Normandy. Shepard had made Tali a priority that day, and she was clearly upset over her father's death. She went down to engineering to spend time with her, and then helped her out with some maintenance.

"Damn, I haven't done shit like this in forever." Shepard said as she broke a nail trying to remove a panel.

"You've been spoiled with the duties of a Commander, and forgot the hard work we normal engineers do." Tali had cheered up by now. Shepard had insisted they do the work then even though it was late, she was trying to keep Tali's mind off of things.

"What? I'm not normal?"

"Of course not. For one, you've died and come back – that's clearly not normal."

"Yeah, don't remind me..."

Tali chuckled softly, "I think I remember now that you had wanted to talk with me before all this happened... What was on your mind?"

"We don't have to talk about it now, it's probably irrelevant."

"No, tell me."

Shepard let out a slow breath, "I had wanted to thank you for your advice. It worked... At least I think it did."

"Wait. I gave you advice, when I was drunk, you took it and it worked?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, just checking. You're still as crazy as ever."

_Ignoring that... _"Well, I think Thane admitted to liking me. I told him that I was there for him, for whatever he needs, and he thanked me and then called me siha."

"What's a siha?"

"No idea."

"Keelah, it sounds like it's just a term of endearment... I'm happy for you. You need someone to balance out all that crazy. Love is difficult, but I've been told it's totally worth it."

"Thanks, Tali."


	7. Chapter 7: Mordin Better be Joking

Chapter 7: Mordin Better be Joking _[Note:__This __chapter's __a __bit __longer __cause __well, __Mordin __is __awesome __and __I __got __a __little __carried __away __overall. __:)__]_

The two days later Shepard went down to life support to see Thane, with everything he and Tali had said fresh in her mind.

When she entered his room she confessed,"I've been thinking about you."

"And I you. Will you hear my confession, siha?"

"Last time we talked like this, you said you would tell me what a siha is."

He insisted on explaining himself first. _Tease._He briefly explained his personal history culminating to the point where they first met. Shepard affirmed her support in every decision he had made.

"You still haven't told me what a siha is."

"One of the warrior-angels of the goddess Arashu. Fierce in wrath. A tenacious protector... I confess I've come to care for you. Perhaps I'm being foolish. We are very different."

"I'm not sure we know each other well enough to call it love, but I feel something for you too – something more than just friendship." _Hell, __I __might __love __him. _She took his hands in hers.

"I've never felt affection for another species. I'm not sure what to do now."

"We'll just have to figure it out."

"I look forward to the memories."

She got up, cautiously walked over to his side, he lifted his head to meet her gaze, and she kissed him on the cheek. As she was pulling her head away, he placed a hand on the side of her face, his fingers laced in her hair, and brought her to his lips for a proper kiss. His free hand grabbed hers as he pulled away.

"I know you likely have many concerns, siha, about life and death..."

She cut him off, "We don't have to talk about that, Thane. I've died – I'm familiar with the topic all too well."

"But, you may also have concerns about my feelings for Irikah. I want you to know, that you would not be replacing her – we can love more than one in a lifetime. I should let you return to your duties. I will be here if you need me."

Shepard was shocked by simply how quick things had progressed between her an Thane. But she decided to look past that. She didn't want to dwell on her feelings, doing so ruined things between her and Kaidan, and she didn't want the same to occur between her and Thane. She was feeling a little dizzy, she was seeing stars, but decided it was nothing. She decided to do her rounds and chat with the rest of her crew.

Kasumi was her first stop, but oddly she wasn't there. She checked in on everyone else, and their progress – she then headed to Mordin's lab off of the CIC, after she received a status report from Kelly and keyed their next destination on the map.

Shepard greeted Mordin, and he stated that he wanted to talk about "medical matters."

_What the hell is he talking about? _"Thane is important to me, but I don't want to hurt him either."

Mordin than began to explain, in detail, what it entailed to be intimate with a drell. Shepard gapped and than called him on his bullshit.

"Doctor-patient confidentiality very important. Would never dream of... mockery."

Shepard smirked, "I don't believe you."

He went back to his desk and returned to her with a small stack of data-pads. He turned one on and handed it to her.

Her eyes went instantly wide. _Erogenous Zones._ It was titled.

She quickly shoved it back at Mordin, "Oh crap! What are you doing to me, Mordin?" _I do NOT want to be caught looking at that crap here. What if Miranda walked in, right now?_

He looked at her puzzled, "If the material is not suitable, perhaps this one would be better? Diagram of positions comfortable for both –"

She cut him off, "You know, just go on ahead and forward that to my private terminal. Bypass Kelly. Keep this private. I'll see you later." She marched towards the door.

He called out, "Enjoy yourself while you can, Shepard."

Kelly caught her before she could escape into the lift, "Commander. Dr. Chakwas says that you can bring your hamster down now." The girl smiled, "I hear he's been rowdy lately."

Shepard coughed awkwardly, "Uh yeah. I'll do that now. Thanks Kelly."

Still reeling from what Mordin said, Shepard brought her hamster down to Chakwas as promised, cage and all. Chakwas quickly looked over the ball of fur, and stated that he may be due for a dietary change.

On her way back to her cabin, Shepard balanced the tank on one knee, while bracing her leg on the wall next to the elevator and trying to reach the holographic interface without falling over. _Easier said than done. _

Suddenly she felt a light pressure on the small of her back, and heard a voice from behind, "Do you require assistance, siha?"

Shepard felt her cheeks go red hot. Images,thanks to Mordin, flooded her mind. She felt herself nod in agreement, unable to speak. He quickly walked around her, pucked the tank from her grasp, held it with one arm, and pushed the interface to call the elevator.

Shepard nervously pushed loose strands of hair behind her ear, and grinned stupidly at him. _I was all collected when I saw him this morning, and now I'm acting like an idiot. I hate Mordin right now..._

They walked into the sparsely lit elevator space side by side, and Shepard hit the interface for her cabin. Her face still felt red hot. _Dammit Mordin! Images!_

Thane spoke up, "What is this small creature?"

Shepard slowly turned towards him, "A space hamster. His name's Boo."

He looked at her without saying anything, and she wondered if she had said something she shouldn't have.

Finally the door opened to her cabin, and he followed her inside. She led him over to Boo's shelf, and he easily placed him upon it. When he turned around, he noticed her fish tank and went to stand before it.

She joined him at his side, and he said, "Strange. Reminds me of Kahje."

He looked lost as he watched the fish and, against her mind's protests, she laid a hand on his shoulder startling him out of his trance. "Do you miss it?"

"On occasion..." He turned towards her and laid a hand to rest atop hers, "But I'm finding the Normandy quite suitable."

She smiled, "Good. I'm glad... It is the nicest ship I've lived on. I grew up in space."

"Really?" He stepped closer to her, "You should visit Kahje. It is a beautiful planet." His eyes twinkled.

He stepped forward, tilted her head up towards him, and kissed her.

Shepard's pulse started to quicken, and she vaguely remembered seeing that drell's necks were sensitive. She lightly trailed her fingertips across. He hummed in response, pulled her closer, and deepened the kiss.

Just as she began rubbing the back of his neck with one hand and trailing the other down his chest, EDI went on comm, "Commander. The Reaper IFF is now online. I suggest you take the shuttle on this next mission."

Shepard pulled away from Thane, and spoke softly addressing the synthetic, "Thank you EDI. Could you tell the rest of the ground team to meet me by the shuttle in thirty?"

_~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~._

_Note: __The __line __with,__ "_we can love more than one in a lifetime," _actually __comes __from __in-game. __If __you __break-up __with __Thane, __he __tells __you __that __you __wouldn't __be __replacing __Irikah, __since __'we __can __love __more __than __one __in __a __lifetime.' __I'm __sure __you __can __look __it __up__, __if __you __want. ;)  
_


	8. Chapter 8: The Reunion

Chapter 8: The Reunion _[Note: __ME3 __now!]_

Thane broke away from the kiss, took a deep breath. He wrapped his arms tightly around his siha, he leaned down to speak into her ear, "I have missed you, siha."

She leaned up and kissed his neck, "I've missed you too, Thane." She smiled against his neck, "You gonna take me up on my offer of _privacy_?"

He mumbled again, "My cardiovascular system is not what it once was."

She chuckled softly, "We don't have to get physical to be intimate, Thane." She broke away to look up into his eyes, her voice softened further, "I've arranged for a three day shore-leave. I'd like to spend it with you, but not here... Will you wait here, while I go speak with your physician?"

He nodded, "Of course," and reluctantly let her go. He took a seat in a lounge chair while she walked away.

A half hour later, Shepard returned with a smile, and a small black bag. She held up the bag in front of him as he stood, "The doctor gave me a bunch of stuff. Some data pads, inhalers, medicines, his contact information, his nurse's contact information, and another doctor's contact information. But, he gave me the go ahead. I've made reservations at the hotel down the street."

…...

Shepard tossed the bag on the table in their hotel suit. She then dragged Thane onto the bed, and cuddled up against him. "Isn't this nice?" she asked, as he trailed a hand through her hair.

He replied, "Yes. Very." He leaned his cheek against the top of her head, "It's been so long."

She sighed, "Yes. It has... I didn't think I'd ever see you again." She paused, "Is it selfish of me to want to be here with you now, more than anything, while the galaxy burns around us?" She buried her face further into his chest, "The Reapers... Shouldn't they be my priority?"

He stopped stroking her hair, and pulled enough away to look into her eyes, "Siha, it is alright to take some time for yourself. You are not being selfish."

"Are you so certain?"

"I am."

When she looked at him as he said that, she knew he wasn't lying. She relaxed, and kissed him. He returned the kiss briefly, before pulling away. She knew why. Desire filled his eyes. She had already thought about this on their way to the hotel though, and offered, "Do you think about our nights together often?"

He kissed her forehead, "I do."

"It's fine when you do?"

He looked down at her questioningly, starting to put together what she was implying, "Yes, siha. Remembering does not cause me to go into cardiac arrest."

She smirked, "Remind me then. My memory is good, but it's not yours."

He stroked her jawline, "Which time?"

"You decide."

He nodded and slipped into a memory, "_Rushed. __Afraid __of __tomorrow. __Desperate. __We __kiss. __Committing __each __other's __taste __to __memory. __She __breaks __away, __tears __forming __in __her __eyes. __'I'm __sorry __Thane. __I'm __so __sorry... __The __Alliance. __I __don't __want __them __to __take __me __away __from __you... __But __I __have __to __go.'__"_

They spent the next few days reminiscing, and just enjoying each other's company. They spoke of many things: family, battles, war, death, love. Shepard escorted Thane to the hospital before the Normandy's expected departure. She wasn't sure if she'd see him again.


	9. Chapter 9: Not So Smalltalk

Chapter 9: Not So Smalltalk

It had been a mere two days since he last saw Shepard, but Thane still found himself spending most of the day recalling memories of his siha. Everything seemed to remind him of her sultry smirk, her glinting dark eyes, and the creases near them whenever she smiled. But things were different about her too. She'd changed the way she kept her hair. It was shorter now, left to freely hang in front of her ears, whereas before it was longer, and had to be tucked back. Her skin looked paler too. But he knew it wasn't from illness, her skin had picked up a slight tan from being out on so many missions, with her being incarcerated for so long, it became slightly lighter. Which, as he particularity liked to think about, made the plethora of speckles on her face stand out even more – freckles, as he remembered her explain.

Thane shrugged the memories from his mind as he made his way to the hospital's cafeteria. He knew that it wasn't advised to spend so much time idle, he wanted to focus on having a decent meal, or as decent of a meal as he could have at Huerta. He liked the solitude he could have by dining so early, but as he saw the biotic, the one Shepard had mentioned, he thought that he may as well join the man. Perhaps they could talk about Shepard, the idea nearly pulled a smile from his lips.

He gathered up his mundane breakfast of plain oatmeal, asari breadmeal cut as toast, and a cup of salarian tea. He really missed the exotic Earth teas Shepard had given him as a farewell gift, they didn't last as long as he would have liked.

He again tried to focus on the present, as he cleared his voice in front of the table before the biotic, "Um, excuse me. But, do you mind if I join you?"

The biotic seemed to be startled at first, but quickly motioned to the seat in front of him, "Go ahead."

Thane sat down graciously, then cleared his throat again, and extended a hand across from him, "Thane Krios." The biotic took his hand, a little hesitant at first, "Kaidan Alenko."

Thane smiled thoughtfully as they released hands, "I believe we have a mutual friend, Commander Hera Shepard."

Kaidan's brows shot up, and he nearly chocked on the bite of toast he had just taken, "You know the Commander?" Kaidan quickly grew uneasy. He figured that she must have met him during her time with Cerberus, since he never heard her mention him before. And anything Cerberus instantly made Kaidan suspicious.

His suspicions were confirmed when the drell spoke again, "Yes. I helped her with the Collector base," and upon seeing the human man's brows still furrowed he added, "I was hired independently by Shepard."

That seemed to ease his tensions, and so Kaidan decided to venture, "I've seen you around. Why are you at Huerta?" He motioned to his still bruised face, "It's obvious why I'm here."

Thane took a sip of his bitter tea, "I suffer from a severe respiratory condition. I've been hospitalized for sometime now."

"Ah." Kaidan instantly regretted asking when he saw the somber expression on the drell. Kaidan is typically slow to trust, but there was something about the drell, he didn't know what it was. He tried to redirect the conversation, "So, how long have you known the Commander?"

"Roughly, nine months."

"I served with her on the Normandy SR-1. Then for one mission, where my face was pounded in." Kaidan didn't know if the drell knew of Shepard's resurrection, hell he didn't fully understand it himself. He was reluctant to share more information than necessary.

They began to discuss the SR-2 and how it compared to the SR-1. It was easy to start the conversation. After a short time, Kaidan couldn't help himself but to ask, "So, have you seen the Commander recently?"

Thane nodded, "Yes. I last saw her two days ago." Thane struggled to keep from slipping into a memory. He wasn't sure if Kaidan new about solipsism, and he didn't want to startle him.

Kaidan frowned as he said, "Oh. I, uh, saw her five days ago. She... She tried to act like nothing was bothering her. But I'm, I'm worried about her." He was shocked when he said that. He didn't know why he started sharing his concerns with this drell, he was a near complete stranger to him. Perhaps the pain medication was messing with him.

Thane nodded and said, "Yes... I believe she's concerned about her mother." He couldn't stop himself from slipping now though, "_She __looks __up __at __me. __Clutches __my __collar. __'Thane.' __She __pleads, __eyes __watering. __'Thane. __I __haven't __heard __from __my __mother __since __Earth __was __hit.' __I __stroke __her __cheek, __she __sighs.__"_

When Thane comes from the memory, Kaidan is staring at him. He's shocked, confused. It takes him a moment to speak, "What... What was that?"

Thane looks down at his plate, "A memory. Drell can remember everything with perfect clarity. It is sometimes difficult to stop from reliving them."

Kaidan swallowed, he had to ask, "Was that... Was that Shepard?"

Thane looked back up and straightened, "Yes. It was. I apologize. That was probably... uncomfortable for you to hear."

Kaidan had to break his gaze. He swallowed hard against a pang of jealousy that just sprang, "Are you two... close?"

Thane raised a brow, "I do not believe it is appropriate for me to answer that question."

Kaidan ran a hand over his face, forgetting his bruises. It hurt, and he hissed in pain. Pain not only from his facial injuries. The drell's vague answer was clear enough for him.

After a few moments of silence, Kaidan excused himself from the table. He couldn't stop the thoughts from flowing through his mind. He wondered why, or how, Shepard could ever _be_ _with_ the drell, and not him. How could she trust _him_ more than _himself_?

Thane stared at the empty space in front of him. He was certain that Shepard had been honest with him, that there had been nothing between her and the human biotic. He came to a conclusion with a sigh. The human, Kaidan, harbored feelings for her even though it was not reciprocated. Thane decided that he should say something; Kaidan seemed very distraught.


	10. Chapter 10: Kolyat's Titanic

Chapter 10: Kolyat's Titanic

_Note: This chapter includes completely made-up events surrounding Kolyat – since I think Shepard should have had an interaction with Kolyat, since well she loved his father – and he died. It also includes an OC. I've decided to name my OC Kara, since Kara is the name of the Turian's "Titanic" – as was discovered in Kasumi's loyalty mission in ME2. Anyways, enough rambling – enjoy the read!_

_~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~._

Shepard headed down towards the make-shift refugee camp with, honestly, awkward anticipation. She had wanted to check-in on Kolyat, and make sure he was settling in and doing alright. He had messaged her the night before_._

Kolyat had sounded at peace, _god__ – __I __hope __he __is._ She still felt absolutely awful that he had to find out about her and his father, as he died. She wanted to do what ever she could for Kolyat. She knew that for as long as she could, she would be making sure Kolyat was living a good life – she would protect him from making poor decisions, like he did just months ago.

Finally the elevator opened, and what she heard and saw completely rattled her. She felt pins and needles down her spine, as she walked into the, usually, open part of the camp to see a crowd of people huddled around a single human woman standing up on two storage crates. And she heard, god she wasn't sure – _Is __that __music? _Sure enough it was. The woman was playing the violin – an old instrument that was rarely played anymore, mostly due to technology's advances.

Shepard felt herself become completely mesmerized. She couldn't help it, but she joined the crowd and took in the full scene before her. A small, petite woman who couldn't be far in her twenties, with short blunt burgundy bangs and the darkest eyes she ever saw on someone so fair, was playing a very, very old violin with practiced ease and grace. Her fingers floated over the strings as she played an old, old earth song – _Beethoven, __Bach? _Shepard didn't know, she was impressed.

So was Kolyat.

Out of the corner of Shepard's eye, she saw Kolyat standing amongst the humans and aliens alike. He was staring at the woman, with an expression on his face that Shepard instantly recognized. She slowly walked over to him, trying not to block anyone's view, and said:

"Have you talked with her?"

She startled Kolyat, who upon recognizing Shepard replied, "Commander, it's good to see you... And no, I haven't spoken with the musician. Why do you ask?"

She chuckled softly, and patted Kolyat once on the shoulder before replying, "Well it seems like you really like her. I think you should talk to her – who knows you just might be her type." She winked.

She could tell that he ways trying his hardest not to look embarrassed, "How did you... What are you... I mean. What. You, uh, don't even know her."

"Well neither do you, and that's a problem I can definitely fix. How about on her next break, I introduce you to her? I'm a bit of a celebrity, I guess. I could help ease any tension there might be."

"Uh... Sure Commander..." He then turned away from her a bit too quickly, obviously trying to keep his mouth closed before he embarrassed himself any further. Shepard smiled to herself. _H__e __deserves __some __happiness._

The woman played two more songs before she apologized that that was all for the afternoon, and promised that she would come back later in the evening. She picked up a gray bag, placed the violin and other contents in it, slung it over her shoulder, and hopped off of the storage crates. Shepard stood by Kolyat's side until the crowd was mostly dispersed, and people were done thanking the woman. She then all but dragged the poor, nervous Kolyat over to the woman.

Shepard paused and smiled before the woman, "Hello. I'm Commander Shepard of the Alliance, and this is Kolyat Krios. We wanted to congratulate you for your great performance. It was very impressive."

"Commander Shepard! I'd recognize you anywhere. And Mr. Krios a pleasure to meet you." She smiled and shook both their hands – Kolyat looked a little faint when she shook his. "I'm Kara Gilbert. And no congratulations is necessary. I play simply to try and bring peace to those who have not had any in quite some time. It is my duty to do so, and a joy." She smiled again, _boy __she __sure __likes __to __smile. _But she also had concern on her face, her words sounded authentic, sincere.

The woman continued, "Mr. Krios. If I'm not mistaken, you've been spending time here too, trying to bring peace and ease people's pains. Don't you recite prayers to the weak and dying?" She spoke using occasional hand gestures, which brought her hands and arms so close to Kolyat, they nearly touched.

"Yes... I do. And please, call me Kolyat."

"Sure thing, Kolyat. And I hope between us – someone will find peace as their life fades into the void..." Kolyat seemed to become a bit wobbly as she said that, but nodded at her words in return. "Anyways, is there anything I can do for you, Commander?"

"Yes, actually Miss Gilbert. Would you care to join me and Kolyat for some lunch? My treat."

…...

Their conversation was going nowhere fast. Kolyat was obviously too nervous to say anything, and the girl just kept picking at her salad. Shepard finally had enough, and decided to jump in, "So, that violin looks old, where'd you get it – it can't be from around here. And it is a violin, right?"

Kara chuckled softly, "Yeah. It is a violin. And it was gift from when I was young. It is from my grandfather, who lives on... Earth." Her eyes darted down, she put down her fork, and rested her hands on either side of her plate. Shepard could see her body slightly tremble, her hands shook, she closed her eyes. "My parents live on the colony Tiptree. I haven't seen them in four months. I've lived here for four months. As soon as I heard that they were attacked, I started visiting the refugees – hoping I'd find them. I was going mad, so I decided to play. That's all I can do, play."

When she opened her eyes, she noticed that Kolyat had taken her hand that was closest to him, in his. She smiled softly, sweetly. He awkwardly withdrew his hand, and put his hands in his lap – where they couldn't roam on their own. He tried to gain control over the conversation, as he noticed Shepard's own grin, from ear-to-ear.

"So, uh, you've been on the Citadel for four months? I don't think I've seen any of your performances advertised. I've been here over seven months myself."

"Well, I haven't been able to find a sponsor. No one wants to hire a nobody, from some nowhere colony. Even if I've been playing the violin, professionally, since I was eight." She was looking intensely at Kolyat. Like she wanted to hug him, or pounce on him, Shepard couldn't tell.

Thankfully, Liara had just walked by, and Shepard took the opportunity to leave the hormonal young-adults alone, with each other.

"Excuse me, but an associate of mine is right over there. I should probably check-in on her. I'll just leave you two alone. It was a pleasure to meet you, Kara... Goodbye Kolyat."

Shepard gave Kolyat a credit chit, and nursed her coffee as she hurriedly rushed over to Liara. Later, just before Shepard left, she spied the two leaning close to one another, and laughing at something.


	11. Chapter 11: Renewed

Chapter 11: Renewed

Shore-leave was over, one hectic week was over in the scope of impossibly hectic weeks to come. Shepard hadn't let herself morn Thane properly, on her own. She was trying to be strong for Kolyat, strong for her crew. She had only let herself cry once since his death, the night of his death – she was alone in her cabin at the time. But now, back on the Normandy, she found herself dwelling on it. The first few days, her closest friends – mostly Garrus and Liara, but strangely enough EDI and Joker too, had tried to comfort her, but she had brushed them aside. She didn't want to show weakness.

Once all her duties were completed, Shepard found herself standing outside of life support. She couldn't go in. She just stood there. After a few minutes of just staring at the door, she resorted to visiting Thane's name on the memorial wall. Shepard suspected it was EDI's doing, that his name was there so quickly. She ran her fingers along his name on the wall, memorizing their shape. _Thane __Krios._She withdrew her hand, and wrapped her arms on herself.

Then she felt a heavy hand on her shoulder.

Kaidan was there with a soft and sweet expression on his face. "I knew him," he said. Shepard vaguely remembered Thane saying something about him getting separated from Kaidan during the attack. She nodded at Kaidan, words seeming to fail her.

"We spoke. Sometimes about you... He cared for you deeply, Hera."

Shepard couldn't stop the tears from flowing from her eyes. Kaidan was one of the few people who used her first-name, one of the few people who seemed to know just what to say – what was enough for her. With her arms still around herself, Kaidan brought her close to him for a loose, but comforting hug. Shepard withdrew, and finally found her words, "Would you... come with me to life support? That's where he had stayed..."

Kaidan nodded, and followed her lead.

She sat in her normal spot at the table, and Kaidan sat across from her, in Thane's spot. It was almost too much for her, so she made herself look away, and found Thane's cup still there on the table. She took it into her hands, ran her fingers lightly over its rim. _Why __would __the __retro fit __team __leave __this __here?_ She thought it was a sign, a farewell token from Thane himself. She sighed, and looked at Kaidan. He was looking at her hands on the cup, and then looked up at her tenderly.

"Do you need time, to yourself?"

"No, please stay."

He didn't move, and they stayed there in silence for quite awhile, before Shepard spoke again, "Thank you for being you, Kaidan... I know that sounds silly, but just thanks... Thane, he, I..." She was going to cry again. Kaidan put a hand on hers, still on the cup, "I know. You told me, remember? You don't need to say anything else, it's okay." She smiled weakly.

…...

Over the next few weeks, and missions, Shepard found herself enjoying being around Kaidan again. There were still some problems between them, but she was glad he was there. She needed him.

Shortly after bridging peace between the quarians and geth, Shepard returned to the Citadel on business. She didn't have time to visit anyone, including Kolyat. It was just a supply pick-up. But, before she headed out, Traynor said that she had a message. It was from Kaidan, he wanted to treat her to dinner. She smiled, _I __could __use __the __break._


End file.
